


Facebook

by continuityisanillusion (alphatattoo)



Category: Avengers (Comic), Marvel, Marvel 616, Runaways, Secret Warriors, X-Factor (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse), Young Avengers
Genre: Facebook, Fourth Wall, Multi, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-06-12
Updated: 2011-10-03
Packaged: 2017-10-20 08:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/210816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphatattoo/pseuds/continuityisanillusion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the Marvel Universe gets facebook...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Accident, The X-Box Battle and The 2011 World Domination Event

**Part 1: The Accident, The X-Box Battle and the 2011 World Domination Event.**

 **William Kaplan and Theodore Altman are in a relationship.**  
 _Katherine Bishop, Wanda Maximoff and 4 others like this._  
(3 Comments)  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** And none of us saw this coming...  
 **Katherine Bishop:** Still. It's adorable, there now professing their love over Facebook.  
 **Elijah Bradley:** And you don't think everyone knows by now?  


 **Thomas Shepherd to Katherine Bishop: I think you and @Elijah Bradley should get a room. It's bad enough with @William Kaplan and @Theodore Altman at HQ.**   
_Clint Barton likes this._   


**Elijah Bradley has blocked Thomas Shepherd.**   
_William Kaplan, Theodore Altman, Katherine Bishop, Cassandra Lang and Vision (Jonas) like this._   


**Thomas Shepherd to Elijah Bradley: You should pull that stick out of your ass.**  
 _William Kaplan, Cassandra Lang and Theodore Altman like this._  
(2 Comments)  
 **Katherine Bishop:** Hey! You guys are unfair!  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** The truth hurts, doesn't it, Kate?  


 **Katherine Bishop: I'm sharpening my sword.**   
_William Kaplan and Elijah Bradley like this._   


**Thomas Shepherd to Katherine Bishop: You know I'm not afraid of you, plus it's a fact that I have super-speed, which renders your threat useless.**

 **Katherine Bishop to Thomas Shepherd: I don't care.**

 **Cassandra Lang and Vision (Jonas) are in a relationship.**  
 _Katherine Bishop, William Kaplan, Theodore Altman, Wanda Maximoff and Thomas Shepherd like this._  
(6 Comments)  
 **Pietro Maximoff:** I think I'm having deja vu  
 **Clint Barton:** No-one cares what you think, Pietro.  
 **William Kaplan:** Good for you guys!  
 **Cassandra Lang:** Thanks Billy :)  
 **Elijah Bradley:** I'm confused. When did this happen? Why didn't anyone tell me? How?  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** Because they like each other, duh.  


 **Theodore Altman to Thomas Shepherd: You need a girlfriend. Like a real one.**  
 _Elijah Bradley, Cassandra Lang, Katherine Bishop and William Kaplan like this._  
(1 Comment)  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** Care to volunteer, Kate? I've noticed you and Eli aren't together on facebook yet...  


 **Katherine Bishop is now in a relationship with Elijah Bradley.**  
 _William Kaplan and 12 others like this._  
(2 Comments)  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** Damn.  
 **Cassandra Lang: That won't stop you though...**  


 **Katherine Bishop is now friends with Clint Barton.**   
_William Kaplan like this._   


**Clint Barton: I want to murder @Pietro Maximoff.**  
 _Peter Parker, Anthony Stark and Hank Pym like this._  
(8 Comments)  
 **Anthony Stark:** You can borrow my armour if you like :P  
 **Clint Barton:** I'll come 'round yours tonight.  
 **Anthony Stark:** See you at 7 *winks*  
 **Barbara 'Bobbi' Morse:** I knew it. Clint's gay.  
 **Pietro Maximoff:** I always knew it, though I have to admit I thought Tony would always go for Steve...  
 **Steve Rogers:** What?  
 **Anthony Stark:** I always thought that Pietro would go for Wanda.  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** Okay, that's creepy.  


 **Pietro Maximoff: I would like to remind @Peter Parker, @Anthony Stark and @Hank Pym that I do not have a 'thing' for my sister cause that's considered INCEST! I know where you all live.**  
(5 Comments)  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** That is kinda creepy...it's like people thinking me and Billy hooking up.  
 **William Kaplan:** Can I get those addresses?  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** You know what? That's even creepier.  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** I worry about Tommy and Billy sometimes.  
 **Elijah Bradley:** I think we all do.  


 **Wanda Maximoff to Pietro Maximoff: You need time off. Seriously.**   
_Anthony Stark and Clint Barton like this._   


**Thomas Shepherd: Why the hell do The Avengers suddenly all have facebook? Did I miss something?**   
_12 people like this. _  
__

 _  
**Anthony Stark and Wanda Maximoff are now friends with Steve Rogers.**   
_28 people like this._   
_

**William Kaplan: I'm officially freaked out. @Steve Rogers has Facebook? What's next? @The Avengers have a princess party where we all go ice-skating?**  
 _Thomas Shepherd and 13 others like this._  
(3 Comments)  
 **Robert 'Bobby' Drake:** That was my idea for the next years end-of-year X-Men Party :P  
 **Scott Summers:** No, Bobby. Just no.  
 **Katherine Pryde:** That'd be so awesome!  


 **Katherine Bishop had changed her profile picture.**  
 _Elijah Bradley and Clint Barton like this._  
 **William Kaplan:** You look like you want to kill someone, just try not to get blood on the floor, Kate. I know it gives HQ character, but it seriously makes us look like a group of amateur murderers.  
 **Clint Barton:** Sometime, you Young Avengers worry me.  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** It's just a natural stage in their development, Clint.  
 **Pietro Maximoff:** I agree with Clint. They could easily be Deadpool's next best buddies.  
 **Peter Parker:** Oh look! An agreement between the Clint and Pietro!  
 **Steve Rogers:** I wondered when this day would come.  
 **Anthony Stark:** Don't give your hopes up, Cap.  
 **Johnny Storm:** 50 bucks that they don't make it through the week.  
 **Hank Pym:** Deal *shakes Johnny's hand*  


 _  
**Erik Lehnsherr is now friends with Victor Von Doom.**   
_Loki, Red Skull, Venom, Norman Osborn, Galactus and Kang the Conquerer like this._   
_

**Peter Parker: I think the end of the world is approaching. Anyone agree? Cause I bet I'm not the only one.**  
 _Steve Rogers and 22 other like this._  
(2 Comments)  
 **Steve Rogers:** **Thomas Shepherd:** We gathered that.  


 **Wanda Maximoff and Pietro Maximoff have blocked Erik Lehnsherr.**   
_13 people like this._   


**Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, and 10 others have blocked Erik Lehnserr and Victor Von Doom.  
**

 **Thomas Shepherd and 20 others are now friends with Johnny Storm.**   


**Johnny Storm to Victor Von Doom: I reckon you haven't planned enough world domination so now your taking on the virtual world too. That's low, even for you, Victor.**   
_Susan Richards, Reed Richards and 11 others like this._   


**Steve Rogers and Nicholas Fury are now friends.**  
(8 Comments)  
 **Peter Parker:** Okay guys, we can't deal drugs anymore. All stock has moved from my house to an undisclosed location.  
 **Johnny Storm:** Damn.  
 **Susan Richards:** Johnny!  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** How much?  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** ...  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** That was a joke.  
 **Wanda Maximoff:**...  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** *sigh*  


 **Victor Von Doom, Erik Lehnsherr, Red Skull, Loki and 13 others are attending 2011 World Domination Event.**  
(4 Comments)  
 **Peter Parker:** ...  
 **Anthony Stark:** Let me guess, all those 13 others are most likely villians?  
 **Theodore Altman:** What a brilliant deduction, Tony.  
 **Anthony Stark:** Do I sense sarcasm there, Hulkling?  


 **Nicholas Fury to S.H.I.E.L.D Agents: Track down the location of that meeting. Now.**  
 _13 people like this._  
(1 Comment)  
 **Daisy Johnson:** One step ahead of you, Nick.  


 **Steve Rogers: I wonder Avenger's Assemble battle cry works over facebook.**  
(1 Comment)  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** Doubt it.  


 **Carol Danvers: I think @Steve Rogers and @Anthony Stark need to get their asses over to Avenger's Tower.**   


**Nico Minouro, Chase Stein, Victor Mancha and 4 others are now friends with William Kaplan, Thomas Shepherd and 13 others.**   


**Victor Mancha and Vision (Jonas) have been listed as brothers.**  
(1 Comment)  
 **Logan:** That's makes no sense.  


 **William Kaplan: @Thomas Shepherd just had his ass handed to by none other than @Katherine Bishop.  
Cassandra Lang, Elijah Bradley and 13 other like this.**  
(4 Comments)  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** Is he okay?  
 **Clint Barton:** Did he bleed? Any broken bones or fractures?  
 **William Kaplan:** ...  
 **Clint Barton:** I have a bad feeling about this.  


 **Thomas Shepherd has checked into @Lenox Hill Hospital.**  
(18 Comments)  
 **Katherine Bishop:** I swear I didn't mean to hit him that hard! He just layed there, unconscious and I thought that he was joking to mess with me like he always does-  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** Pietro, your coming to the hospital with me. NOW.  
 **Pietro Maximoff:** I'm already there. So are Billy and Teddy. Your son teleported us.  
 **Clint Barton:** Wow, Kate, you go girl! *hides under rock to avoid being hexed by The Scarlet Witch*  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** Clinton Francis Barton, do not make me come over to you and rip your head off!  
 **Steve Rogers:** Tony, can you give me a lift? I don't want Wanda going crazy again.  
 **Anthony Stark:** Where are you? I'll pick you up in the armor.  
 **Steve Rogers:** I'm at Bucky's.  
 **Peter Parker:** *insert inappropriate joke*  
 **Johnny Storm:** *images of inappropriate sexual images between Cap and Bucky appear in mind*  
 **Hank Pym:** I really wonder what you guys do in your spare time if all you can think about our sexual fantasies between Steve and Bucky...  
 **Peter Parker:** Could be worse, we could be thinking about Tony and Rhodey.  
 **Johnny Storm:** Too late.  
 **Anthony Stark:** Or we could be thinking about Victor Von Doom and Magneto.  
 **Hank Pym:** Seriously? That's worse than Vision and Ultron.  
 **Peter Parker:** Vision and Ulton would be considered incest though.  
 **Johnny Storm:** Didn't stop Pietro and Wanda.  
 **Susan Storm:** JOHNNY! That's it. One more joke about incest and I'l have Reed disable the internet, and then I'd get Ben to smash your laptop beyond repair, got it?  


 **Wanda Maximoff, Steve Rogers, Anthony Stark and 3 others checked in at Lenox Hill Hospital.**  
(8 Comments)  
 **Cassandra Lang:** How is he? Is he okay? How the hell did he update his status?  
 **William Kaplan:** I did. He's fine, for now. Still knocked out, but he'll be fine. Kate is being eaten away by her own guilt.  
 **Hank Pym:** Well, he couldn't excatly hit her back could he?  
 **Peter Parker:** *cough cough*  
 **Theodore Altman:** Sometimes, the Avengers are just a group of immature teenagers.  
 **William Kaplan:** You mean they act like us? And all the Avengers are immature teenagers, well, except for Cap...  
 **Clint Barton:** You obviously haven't seen him at some of the Avenger Parties. Especially the one with imported alcohol from like Wundagore or something.  
 **Anthony Stark:** Nice one, Clint. I have that one on video. :P

  


 **Katherine Bishop: OMG I feel terrible! I'm going to have to find someway on making it up to @Thomas Shepherd for knocking him out with my bow.**  
 _Clint Barton, Peter Parker and Johnny Storm like this._  
(11 Coments)  
 **Elijah Bradley:** Don't fell bad about yourself, he deserved it. We were all waiting for someone to do it, and you just happened to have the guts to.  
 **Katherine Bishop:** ELI! NOT HELPING!  
 **Clint Barton:** That bad, huh?  
 **Wade Wilson:** The first kill is always the hardest, I remember when I first became a merc and I had this killer gun and I was like 'yes, fear me, bitch' and then I blew his head off. Good times. Hey, does anyone have any soda? I feel like soda, or lemonade, or orange juice- though that isn't a soda, but you could make it one. Cool, orange juice soda. Has anyone checked out my awesome Deadpool #33.1 that came out a couple of weeks ago? Not as many sales as I would like, but it's a .1 issue and there's no point in them in the first place and Children's Crusade is coming out in a couple of days and I guess everyones just dying for that, right Wanda? Geez, we all know you turn out 'fine'  
 **William Kaplan:** How the hell did Deadpool get into this conversation?  
 **Nicholas Fury:** Wade, this is a secure conversation only reachable by using the Avenger Security Protocol which was made by an A.I.  
 **Wade Wilson:** Not secure enough for me, honey. Or sugar, or sweetie, whatever you would like to be called.  
 **Clint Barton:** Can I be honey?  
 **Peter Parker:** Shotgun sugar!  
 **Nicholas Fury:** Well, that leaves me with sweetie then, doesn't it? Sometimes I really hate you, Wade.  
 **Wade Wilson:** The feeling is mutal, I assure ya.Oh and everyone should get Fear Itself: Deadpool which is on sale this week :)  


 **Wanda Maximoff to Kate Bishop. You have to have some serious owing up to do with my son when he awakens from unconsciousness.**  
(9 Comments)  
 **Anthony Stark:** If he is your son, that is.  
 **Pietro Maximoff:** Here we go again. Just cause you don't believe in magic, asshole.  
 **Clint Barton:** We all know that Zippy and Harry Potter are Wanda's reincarnated sons, okay? The more we try and disagree with it, the more Wanda goes crazy over it. And remember what happened last time. And I'm not sure about you, but I don't want to die again.  
 **Nicholas Fury:** Harry Potter?  
 **Peter Parker:** As in a 'wizard', Nick. Geez, where have you been the last 8 years?  
 **Nicholas Fury:** Making sure you Avengers don't so anything stupid. Which I seem really bad at if you're all on Facebook.  
 **Wade Wilson:** I've never killed a wizard before.  
 **Katherine Bishop:** You never shut you, do you, Wade?  
 **Wade Wilson: >/b> Not when I can help it.  
**

 **Wade Wilson: Anyone want to make some orange juice soda?**   
_Molly Hayes likes this._   


**William Kaplan: I'm actually surprised at how many people have turned up to see the unconscious body of my brother. He'd be so thrilled, if he was awake that is.**  
(22 Comments)  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** You shouldn't be speaking about your brother like that, Billy. He's still injured, no need to rub it in his face.  
 **William Kaplan:** Sorry. But it's the first time in like weeks since the team actually agreed on something without Tommy interupting and screwing it all up.  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** That reminds me of someone...  
 **Pietro Maximoff:** No need to point the finger, Wanda.  
 **Clint Barton:** But she didn't say anything.  
 **Peter Parker:** They're twins, the probably have a psychic connection or something.  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** Actually, I pointed to him through the window.  
 **Johnny Storm:** Wow, that ruins the mystery to it.  
 **Katherine Bishop:** Have the doctors told you when he's going to wake up? I hate to admit it, but the team kinda sucks when he isn't here.  
 **Elijah Bradley:** Does not! We work fine. We have Billy.  
 **William Kaplan:** Yeah, when I'm not being stalked by all the Avengers cause of my 'tendacy to go Wanda-like'  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** CLINT! I know that's you! Stop picking on him!  
 **Steve Rogers:** You don't have to shout, Wanda. Literally. I'm right down the hall getting a coffee with Tony and I can hear you screaming as you type.  
 **Pietro Maximoff:** Same here, and I'm in the carpark. And we all know you're getting more than 'coffee'.  
 **Theodore Altman:** Why are you in the carpark for? You don't have to drive anywhere, you can run. That's why Tommy refuses to get a drivers license. Good thing too, I don't trust him behind the wheel.  
 **Pietro Maximoff:** I have crappy reception.  
 **Johnny Storm:** And that's one thing you never hear an Avenger say.  
 **Wade Wilson:** You can talk, Mr. I-the-only-FF-member-to-not-be-an-Avenger.  
 **Johnny Storm:** Hey, Pietro? You said you had everyone's address, well would you mind giving me Deadpool's?  
 **Pietro Maximoff:** Maybe not. I thought you wanted to be an Avenger cause the main rule is Avenger's don't kill.  
 **Logan:** Tell that to Wanda.  
 **William Kaplan:** Yeah, Wolverine? Now's not a good time...mum's kinda...glowing.  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** I FIXED EVERYTHING! I BROUGHT EVERYONE BACK AND YOU'RE STILL NOT HAPPY!  
 **Hank Pym:** Okay Ms. Maximoff, calm down. I can see your red glow from the bathroom.

 **Jerry Sledge, Daisy Johnson and Yo-yo Rodriguez are now friends with Alexander Aaron- The God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy.**  
(10 Comments)  
 **Daisy Johnson:** Long enough title there, Alex? :|  
 **Alexander Aaron- The God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy:** It was longer at first, but there is a letter restriction when creating a profile on Facebook.  
 **Yo-yo Rodriguez:** How much longer could it possibly be? I think you've covered pretty much everything.  
 **Alexander Aaron- The God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy:** I had Renicarnted God, Cause of Hellfire's Death, etc...  
 **Daisy Johnson:** Alex...  
 **Alexander Aaron- The God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy:** Oops, sorry.  
 **Jerry Sledge:** Well, Alex has discovered Facebook. Nick aint gonna like this...  
 **Alexander Aaron- The God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy:** He doesn't have to. Cause if he interupts me from my 'social life' dad promised to deal with it.  
 **Yo-yo Rodriguez:** Oh, nice one. Using Ares as a threat so you can stay on facebook.  
 **Alexander Aaron- The God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy:** Pretty cool, huh?  


 **Nicholas Fury to Alexander Aaron- The God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy: Your evil.  
**  
 _8 people like this._  
(5 Comments)  
 **Clint Barton:** Stop being harsh on the kid, Nick. I like him, he's pretty awesome. Anyone who can beat Johnny Storm on COD is worth that title.  
 **Alexander Aaron- The God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy:** Finally, someone who's cool!  
 **Johnny Storm:** I didn't take any offense or anything, Alex...  
 **Bobby Drake:** Hey, I'm pretty *cool* XD  
 **Wade Wilson** Worst. Pun. Ever.  


 **Thomas Shepherd: Kate Bishop. You owe me. Just cause I was unconscious for like 3 hours and got a couple of stitches on my head doesn't mean I've forgotten what you did.**  
 _25 people like this._  
(9 Comments)  
 **Katherine Bishop:** I'M REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY!  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** I think you forgot a 'sorry' there.  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** I was actually suprised to see eveyrone crowding around my body in hospital. I mean, Iron Man and Captian America were there.  
 **Pietro Maximoff:** Don't mention me or anything.  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** Your my uncle. I expect you, mum and Billy to be there. It's pretty standard.  
 **William Kaplan:** Glad your better though.  
 **Wade Wilson:** Sometimes I wonder why we're on facebook when we're like 1 meter from each other. It's like a waste of electricity. You know that you can have a phobia of electricity? It's called Electrophobia.  
 **Nicholas Fury:** I'm not going to comment on that.  
 **Hank Pym:** You just did.  


 **Johnny Storm to Alexander Aaron- The God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy: Wanna play Halo tonight? I'm having a battle at @Four Freedoms Plaza. Do u want me to pick u up in the Fantsticar?**  
(23 Comments)  
 **Alexander Aaron- The God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy:** Sure. I'm on the Helicarrier.  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** Hey, can I come too? I'm sick of mum babying me.  
 **Johnny Storm:** Sure. I'm sure you can run to the plaza being Quicksilver II and all.  
 **Pietro Maximoff:** That's really offensive. To me that is. I feel like an outdated model or something.  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** But you are an outdated model. We all know I'm way hotter and faster than you. Plus I have a cooler costume.  
 **Clint Barton:** Hey, can I come too? Bobbi refuses to let me play in the mansion, and when I do manage to get to the X-Box, Tony's hogging the tv watching gay porn with Steve.  
 **Steve Rogers:** We do not!  
 **Anthony Stark:** ...  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** ...Well...I could've lived without knowing that.  
 **Johnny Storm:** I'll pick you up, Clint. Avengers Mansion?  
 **Clint Barton:** Thanks.  
 **Johnny Storm:** So Alex, Tommy and Clint are coming. Anyone else want to play?  
 **Logan:** Is there booze?  
 **Johnny Storm:** Naturally.  
 **Logan:** Add me to the list then. The X-Men get boring.  
 **Scott Summers:** That's cause you don't do anything.  
 **Wade Wilson:** He's in like 10 titles a month! How can he be not doing anything? Hey, can I come? I promise not to kill anyone. If I can help it. But If you want me to, sure. No complaints from me.  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** That's kinda the entire point of the game.  
 **Nicholas Fury:** No, I think he means in actual life.  
 **Johnny Storm:** Nick! You can come! You kill people, you'll be like hectic at Halo  
 **Nicholas Fury:** No thanks, Human Torch. I've got to speak to Ares about Alexander.  
 **Hank Pym:** Good luck with that, Nick.  
 **Steve Rogers:** You'll need it.  
 **James 'Bucky' Barnes:** Seriously. You'll need it.  


 **Alexander Aaron- God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy: I think @Nick Fury has a death wish.**   
_30 people like this._   


**Johnny Storm: Eh, who's the awesomest superhero ever! ME! Why? Cause I'm holding the biggest Halo Battle at @The Plaza with some of the awesomest heroes ever! @Thomas Shepherd, @Logan, @Alexander Aaron-God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy, @Wade Wilson, @Clint Barton and me, the Human Torch! And if that isn't the best line up, screw yourself!**  
 _5 people like this._  
(14 Comments)  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** Damn right you are!  
 **Wade Wilson:** Hell yeah!  
 **Clint Barton:** If we're playing teams, bags being with Alex and Tommy!  
 **Alexander Aaron- God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy:** Prepare to get your asses kicked!  
 **Wanda Maximoff:** I thought it was only 4 players- you have 6 :|  
 **Johnny Storm:** We have a special X-Box, it can hold up to 12 controllers. And you think we have the same Halo that all the civilians have? No. I made a deal with Franklin involving time travel. Gotta love him.  
 **Susan Richards:** You did what!  
 **Thomas Shepherd:** It's a bonus when you have a relative who can alter reality. I make Billy do stuff for me all the time.  
 **William Kaplan:** Yeah, and I use you for when I need someone to get to the comic book shop as soon as possible.  
 **Theodore Altman:** Which results in you obsessing over a comic during training which pisses of Kate.  
 **William Kaplan:** Admit it, Teddy, me geeking out turns you on.  
 **Theodore Altman:** Of course it does, but me being turned on results in us making out when we should be thwarting super villians.  
 **Cassandra Lang:** Which pisses of Eli.  
 **Vision (Jonas):** Exactly.  


 **Wade Wilson, Clint Barton, Thomas Shepherd, Alexander Aaron- God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy, and Logan have checked into Four Freedom's Plaza.**   
_Johnny Storm likes this._


	2. The Gay Avengers, Tony's Party, Amadeus vs. Valeria and Who The Hell Is Allan Heinberg?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short chapter, but it'll do.

**Facebook.**

 **Part 2: The Gay Avengers, Tony's Party, Amadeus vs. Valeria and Who The Hell is Allan Heinberg?**

 ********

 **Thomas Shepherd:** I finally realize how useless some people are in battle. And yes I am talking about @Alexander Aaron- God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy.

(7 Comments)

Alexander Aaron – God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy: It wasn’t my fault!  
Johnny Storm: Yes. It was.  
Nick Fury: What did he do?  
Clint Barton: What _didn’t_ he do? He just stood there while Kang the freaking Conqueror tore apart the building! Okay, so Speed tried to blow him up, I got my arrows, Wolverine popped his claws out, Deadpool just somehow got a gun from god-knows-where  but i don't want to know,  Human Torch went all flame-on-ish, but, oh no, Phobos is too good to fight cause his dad is Ares.  
Alexander Aaron – God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy: It wasn’t like that! I was scared and-  
Thomas Shepherd: That’s a load of bullshit, Alex.  
Johnny Storm: You were _laughing_ your ass off! How is that scared?

 

 **Alexander Aaron- God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy:**   Okay, fine. I’m sorry. @Thomas Shepherd, @Johnny Storm, @Logan, @Clint Barton and @Wade Wilson, I’m sorry that I ditched you in the battle when you were perfectly capable and won anyway. The only reason I didn’t fight is because all you guys are Avengers, well except for Johnny and Wade, and Kang is an Avengers villain. I’m a SHIELD agent, I fight Hydra and AIM and stuff.

(1 Comment)

Thomas Shepherd: You’re still an ass though.

 

 **Wanda Maximoff is now in a relationship with Pietro Maximoff.**

(13 Comments)

Thomas Shepherd: I think…I think I just threw up in my mouth. I’m now going to jump off a building…or something…

William Kaplan: Did I miss something?

Steve Rogers:….

Pietro Maximoff: Wands, do you need to tell me something? I don’t remember on us agreeing on dating…

Peter Parker: Spidey sense tingling…..

Carol Danvers: I knew it. I mean, it was obvious that they were way more than brother and sister since the beginning…

Janet Van Dyne: Steve owes me 50 bucks.

Wanda Maximoff:  CLINT! OH MY GOD! I LEAVE MY PHONE FOR ONE SECOND!

Katherine Bishop: Hacked. Ouch.

Thomas Shepherd: *sigh* thankgod for that, I was contemplating on which building to throw myself off as soon as I saw my mum and uncle making out. __

Luke Cage: Why? Would your mother and uncle dating put pressure on you and your twin to date?

Thomas Shepherd:I will end you.

Jessica Jones: Luke, leave him alone.

 

 **Wanda Maximoff is now single.**

 _Clint Barton, Steve Rogers and Simon Williams like this._

 

 **Pietro Maximoff is now single.**

(2 Comments)

Clint Barton: No one cares if you’re single.

Pietro Maximoff: Fuck off.

 

 **Wanda Maximoff and Pietro Maximoff have been listed as siblings.**

(1 Comment)

Peter Parker: And that's how it should stay.

 

 **Amadeus Cho and Alexander Aaron – God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass Spy are now friends.**

 

 **Valeria Richards to Amadeus Cho: OMG you got facebook! YAY! :)**

 _Hercules likes this._

(2 Comments)

Amadeus Cho: Shut. Up.

Hercules: I don’t know  what you’re talking about *grins*

 

 **Thomas Shepherd has created the group _Gay Avengers_**

 

 **Thomas Shepherd has added William Kaplan and Theodore Altman to the group.**

 

 **Jean Paul Beaubier is now friends with William Kaplan**

 _Shatterstar and Julio Richter like this._

 

 **Theodore Altman has added Jean Paul Beaubier to the group _Gay Avengers  
_** _Victor Borkowski likes this._

 

 **Tony Stark to Steve Rogers:** I know you’re not going to approve, but the Mansion is booked out this weekend. I’m having a party. A massive one. Like bigger than our Civil War, Secret Invasion and Siege of Asgard put together. Which is a shitty comparison…okay, it’ll be BIG! I’m also inviting the X-Men and some SHIELD agents too. Screw saving the world, we’re getting drunk.

 _Carol Danvers, Janet Van Dyne and Wanda Maximoff and 56 other like this._

(7 Comments)

Steve Rogers: Seems like everyone already knows about it.

Anthony Stark: Well I had to make sure people were going to come before I planned.

Thomas Shepherd: PARTY! PARTY! PARTY ! PARTY !

Carol Danvers: We get it. Party.

Wanda Maximoff: You’re not going, Tommy.

Thomas Shepherd: You can’t stop me.

Pietro Maximoff: He has a point, Wands.

 

 **Norman Osborn to attendees of the World Domination Event 2011:** The event has been cancelled due to suspicious activity concerning Loki. I am under the suspicion that he has betrayed our location and therefore the even has been rescheduled and relocated. Magneto has been dropped from the group. Having all his grandkids and children opposing our meeting isn’t very good for us.

 _Daken Akhiro likes this._

(6 Comments)

Erik Lehnserr: Screw you.

Daken Akhiro: Gladly.

Loki: I’m not going to betray anyone! Why does everyone assume that I’m lying!

Daken Akhiro: I can’t believe you just asked that.

Loki: And I can’t believe that you sleep with guys.

Daken Akhiro: Bitch.

 

 **Johnny Storm to Valeria Richards:** Hey, Val! Does your mum know what you have Facebook?

(7 Comments)

Valeria Richards: Nope.

Franklin Richards: She’s gonna freak.

Johnny Storm:  Oh, Franklin has one too!

Amadeus Cho: yay. More smart people. That was sarcasm people, btw. And btw, btw means by the way.

Valeria Richards: You’re just pissed cause I beat you at something.

Amadeus Cho: Am not!

Cassandra Lang: She kinda did, Amadeus, remember? The whole ant man helmet things during the Mighty Avengers Siege of the FF Building because Hank and Reed were having a breakup?

 

 **Hank Pym to Reed Richards:** Sorry about that Mighty Avengers Siege of the FF Building.

 

 **Valeria Richards to Amadeus Cho:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……………………….HA…..and all this times the amount of times @William Kaplan has had sexual fantasies about Northstar!

(9 Comments)

Amadeus Cho: JUST. DROP. IT!

William Kaplan: VALERIA!

Valeria Richards: What? It was the only thing I could think of that amounts to it!

William Kaplan: And you just had to link my name in the status! You do know that Northstar is going to see this right? Shit, now I’m going to have to remove him as my friend….i hate you…

Valeria Richards:  …sorry.

Thomas Shepherd: Well, it’s not like he doesn’t know that he has all the gay guys going after his ass.

Wanda Maximoff: Stop it, Tommy.

Shatterstar: Well, this is awkward…

Jean Paul Beaubier: You think?

 

 **Amadeus Cho has blocked Valeria Richards**

 

 **Valeria Richards:** Like this status if you think Amadeus is just jealous of my intellect.  
 _35  people like this._

 

 **Wanda Maximoff to Thomas Shepherd:** Stop teasing your brother.

(1 Comment)

Thomas Shepherd: No.

 

 **Steve Rogers to Sharon Carter:** Are you coming to Tony’s party tonight?

(9 Comments)  
Sharon Carter: Sorry, Steve. I know how all of Tony’s parties end up. With drunken sex and broken glass. Neither of which I feel like dealing with right now.

Steve Rogers: I understand. Tony can be...slightly exuberant when he plans these parties of his.

Peter Parker: That’s putting it lightly.

Cassandra Lang: Do you ever hear anyone (besides Cap) that complains about the parties

Wanda Maximoff: No one ever complains.

Johnny Storm: I don’t see why anyone has to. It’s a party. You’re meant to get drunk and hook up. It’s one of the standard rules.

Franklin Richards: They’re your rules, Johnny.

Robert Drake: I think pretty much everyone lives by them anyway.

Anthony Stark: So is everyone coming to the party or not?

 

 **Victor Borkowski is now friends with Jean-Paul Beaubier, William Kaplan, Theodore Altman, Julio Richter and Shatterstar.  
** (1 Comment)  
Thomas Shepherd: It’s the attack of the gays.

 

 **Theodore Altman to Thomas Shepherd:** You do know that you created the ‘Gay Avengers Group’. And whatever we get up do, it’s pretty much all your responsibility.

(4 Comments)

Thomas Shepherd: As long as you don’t you don’t all wear rainbow spandex and go parading down the streets, I don’t care what you guys get up to.

William Kaplan: We’d probably get arrested.

Wanda Maximoff: Don’t get any ideas, Billy.

Wade Wilson: Nah, gays are totally allowed in NY now. They can get married and everything. But, Wanda, incest is still illegal…sorry.

 

 **Wade Wilson:** I’d like to congratulate @Thomas Shepherd, @William Kaplan, @Cassandra Lang, @Katherine Bishop, @Elijah Bradley, @Vision (Jonas), @Theodore Altman, @Wanda Maximoff, @Pietro Maximoff, @Steve Rogers, @Clint Barton, @Hank McCoy, @Jessica Jones, @Scott Lang, @Emma Frost, @Scott Summers, @Victor Von Doom, @Erik Lehnsherr, @Remy LeBeau, @Nathaniel Richards, @Anthony Stark, @Simon Williams, @Jamie Madrox, @Guido Carrolsella, @Julio Richter, @Shatterstar, @Anna Marie, @Ororo Munroe, @Robert Drake, @Allan Heinberg and @Jim Cheung for the fabulousness that is Avengers: The Children’s Crusade 6! Great issue guys! You really captured the love in the Maximoff family!

(42 Comments)

Jessica Jones: What the hell is ‘Avengers: The Children’s Crusade?’

William Kaplan: Who the hell are Allan Heinberg and Jim Cheung?

Wade Wilson: Seriously, Jess Jones, it’s the Young Avengers mini-series? You know, when you find Wanda and shit goes down with the X-Men…and The Avengers…and X-Factor…and the rest of the Marvel U? And how can you not know who Allan and Jim are, Billy? He created your team in the first place!

Nathaniel Richards: Mini-series? What is this, a reality show or something?

Jamie Madrox: I think he means a comic book.

Thomas Shepherd: We’re not in a comic book. Billy reads comic books. And reading about yourself is weird.

Wade Wilson: You guys seriously need to wake up and realize that this is all FAKE! You guys are all comic characters! You all live in 22 page Marvel Comic issues! You make bi-monthly appearances that kill fangirls hearts because the production is so slow! You have fanfiction! You have mass gay following! You have people wish were married to any of you! You have cosplayers! You have people who want Billy and Teddy to finally kiss or something!

Emma Frost: Has anyone considered taking him to an insane asylum?

Robert Drake: Trust me, I’m pretty sure that everyone’s tried.

William Kaplan: But me and Teddy have kissed.

Wade Wilson: Not on panel. My heart nearly melted when you said you were gonna make out in the Tower but your freaking brother interrupted.

Thomas Shepherd: That never happened!

Wade Wilson: Yes, it did. You said “What the hell are you idiots doing?” and then you said. “We go to all the trouble to rescue you, and the two of you are in here making out? You're prisoners. Prisoners don't stand around making out with each other...do they?'

Thomas Shepherd: How did you know I said that? (which I didn’t because I’m not a comic character, duh)

Wade Wilson: I’m holding the issue in front of me!

Steve Rogers: What the hell is going on?

Wanda Maximoff: I have no idea.

Katherine Bishop: Neither.

Scott Lang: Okay, Wade, what happened ‘last issue’?

Wade Wilson: You came back from the dead.

Theodore Altman: Well, that did happen.

Wade Wilson: And Iron Lad was a douche.

Nathaniel Richards:  Hey!

Elijah Bradley: You kinda were.

Wade Wilson: and then Wanda got her powers back.

Pietro Maximoff: Can we just get Amadeus Cho to hack into his facebook account and get it deleted so we can stop hearing all this shit?

Wade Wilson: Hey, Pietro, pissed cause your younger and hotter nephew beat you in a race?

Pietro Maximoff: Amadeus. We need Amadeus.

Valeria Richards: He’s not talking to anyone.

Amadeus Cho: I’m just not talking to you.

Wade Wilson: You know what? You  all suck. YOU’RE ALL COMIC CHARACTERS! WHY CAN’T YOU GET IT! Logan’s in a million titles a month, Bucky is Captain America, you’re all getting terrorised in Fear Itself, Spiderman just died in Ultimates, Johnny died in Fantastic 4 to because he saved @Franklin Richards and @Valeria Richards, and you all are fake! I’m fake! Why can’t you get it!

Amadeus Cho: Okay, okay, I’m on it. His password was ‘deadpoolisfreakingawesome’ and now it’s deleted. Gone. Dissapeared in the void of internet-ness.

Scott Summers: Thankgod for that.

William Kaplan: Are we really comic characters?

Steve Rogers: No.

Reed Richards: Nope.

Tony Stark: Impossible.

Victor von Doom: Extremely unlikely.

Stephen Strange: In an alternate universe, maybe.

Hank Pym: I doubt anything he said was true.

Thomas Shepherd: I bet I’m drawn like the hottest thing in the world.

Katherine Bishop: *sigh* If you were a comic character I’m sure you’re as irritating on paper as you are in real life.

 

 **Allan Heinberg to Jim Cheung:** I think I’m going insane. I got a facebook message from Deadpool, the Young Avengers, X-Men and Avengers talking about Children’s Crusade.

Jim Cheung: Drink some coffee, get some sleep and finish the script for #9, Allan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions for guest stars in upcoming chapters?


	3. The Aftermath, Code Pink and The Blossoming Friendship of Rebecca Kaplan and Daken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. It's just a filler until the next one.

**Facebook.**

 **Part 3:** The Aftermath, Code Pink and the Blossoming Friendship of Rebecca Kaplan and Daken.

* * *

 **Clint Barton:** It's official. Last night never happened.  
 _Wanda Maximoff and 50 others like this._

* * *

 **Anthony Stark to the group 'Avengers':**  I've taken the liberty of asking JARVIS to delete all the posts we made last night. You guys don't have to thank me. I've actually stored them on my phone and when I get bored, i like to see how bad some of you screwed up.

* * *

 **William Kaplan:** You know something incredibly bad went down when you wake up with @Jennifer Walters all over you on the snooker table.

 _Clint Barton likes this._

(5 Comments)

Thomas Shepherd: I bet you were so drunk that you'd tap anything that was green skinned last night.

William Kaplan: Says the one who didn't even get drunk.

Thomas Shepherd: Hey! All the speedsters were at a disadvantage. We can all hold out liquor.

William Kaplan: Not my problem.

Clint Barton: Did you have fun last night, Kaplan? *wink* *wink* going to play for the other team?

* * *

 **Theodore Altman:** How the hell did I end up in @Daniel Rand's bed last night? I'm so so so so so so sorry @William Kaplan

(5 Comments)

Daniel Rand: Why aren't you saying sorry to me? I was the one who woke up in bed with a Young Avenger. Who is also a guy. And an alien. My situation can only get more worse.

Luke Cage: Debatable, Rand. The 'guy' is a shapeshifter.

Daniel Rand: Gee, thanks.

Luke Cage: No probs.

Theodore Altman: ...

* * *

 **William Kaplan:**  I'm kind of offended that I was mistaken for Iron Fist last night. But i guess that I'm in no position to argue. I thought She-Hulk was Teddy. :/

* * *

 **Wanda Maximoff:**  I've never felt so hungover in my life. And I have been a witness to many Avengers-gone-wild parties. I'd scold Billy and Tommy, but I'm in no position to argue. I'm such a terrible influence for them...Oh and @Carol Danvers, I like your bed.

* * *

 **Peter Parker:**  I've lost my spandex. Has anyone seen it?

(9 Comments)

Anthony Stark: That should be a emergency code with it's own colour. CODE PINK = LOST MY SPANDEX! As of now. I'm going to ask The Avengers, FF and S.H.I.E.L.D to update their databases. And the YA...wait, do they even have a database?

Pietro Maximoff: How hungover are you, Tony?

Elijah Bradley: Your costumes in the pool. I hope you have a spare set. It aint gonna dry.

Peter Parker: Aw, crap. I don't have any of my costumes at the Mansion...I'm going to have to do a naked swing by my place.

Wanda Maximoff: Please, for the sake of superheroandmutantkind, can you not do that? I'll magic up your costume.

Peter Parker: Why thanks, Scarlet!

Wanda Maximoff: Don't call me that. It's like me calling you 'Spider'

Peter Parker: That's kinda gay.

Wanda Maximoff: Exactly. You have to say both words of someone with a two worded codename. Well, apart from Cap, cause we all just call him Cap. But like Iron Man, we can't call Tony "Iron" and he'd get mixed up with Danny. And Nate.

* * *

 **Carol Danvers:**  I'd tell Tony to call the FF and tell them that we're all hungover and we can't assemble and stuff, so they can take over the city, but I can see Johnny out cold on the kitchen floor so I guess there's no point. And Ben and Logan are just...laying on the lawn.

 _Nicholas Fury and 21 others like this._

* * *

 **Cassandra Lang:**  Ugh. I feel so bad. Did anyone not end up completely drunk last night?

* * *

 **Thomas Shepherd:** CODE PINK!

(2 Comments)

Katherine Bishop: You haven't lost your costume. You're wearing it. Well, you don't have the top half on.

Thomas Shepherd: Yeah, I just wanted to say it.

* * *

 **Pietro Maximoff to Thomas Shepherd:** Enjoy last night? I can't even remember the last time I got drunk. But watching your team-mates fall over the carpet and point and laugh at electrical appliances is equally fun.

(3 Comments)

Wanda Maximoff: We did not laugh at electrical appliances, Pietro!

Thomas Shepherd: You were making out with a toaster and even proposed to it thinking that it was Vizh.

Hank Pym: *insert awkward silence here*

* * *

 **Anthony Stark:**  Well, at least ~Steve Rogers didn't drink last night. We have one Avenger on duty. That's fine. He can save the world one mighty shield throw at someone's face at a time.

* * *

 **Amadeus Cho:** Did anyone else realise that pretty much no one ended up in a bed last night with the opposite sex? I woke up wrapped in @Alexander Aaron – God of Fear, Son of War, God of X-Box and Secret Badass spy's bed. He's still stone cold and snoring. Maybe if I poke him he'll shut up. omg he has no clothes on. Like at all. Naked. I'm in bed with naked guy. Shit.

 _Valeria Richards likes this._

(8 Comments)

William Kaplan: I didn't. I woke up with She-Hulk.

Jennifer Walters: Yeah, but you're gay.

William Kaplan: Gee, thanks shulky.

Wanda Maximoff: Did you just call Jen 'Shulky?'

Anthony Stark: It's a cross between She and Hulk. With a 'ly' and the end.

Pietro Maximoff: It's not funny when you explain it to the nearest detail, Stark.

Clint Barton: And you're never funny, Pie.

Amadeus Cho: Can you stop arguing on my status please? It's my status and it's meant to be awesome. Go away.

* * *

 **Edwin Jarvis to Anthony Stark:** Mister Stark, I would like to tell you that as much as I love serving you, I do think that cleaning up the Mansion is slightly out of my league.

* * *

 **James Barnes:** The mansion looks like a freaking bomb site. People are going to call us up and tell us to do the Skrulls invaded it or something. Fuck my life.

* * *

 **Katherine Bishop:** Avengers…assemble…

* * *

 **Daken:**  Who the hell is floating in the pool? Oh…that's Anole…he has a nice ass…kinda...geez, is he even breathing? Meh, he's like half lizard so I guess he's fine. Who invited him anyways? Who invited me?

* * *

 **Rebecca Kaplan to William Kaplan:**  Get back home. Now. And your brother. Hanging out with the super powered types is bad for you.

(13 Comments)

Daken: Ugh, parental authorities. Always the same. Why can't they just fuck off and leave us to do whatever the hell we want.

Rebecca Kaplan: And who are you?

Daken: Daken.

Rebecca Kaplan: I can see that from your name. What's your last name? Do you know my son?

Daken: I don't have a last name. I don't have a father. Even if I did I still think parents are ridiculous and uneeded and are only on earth to screw you over. And sure, I know Billy. He's awesome. And kinda cute.

Rebecca Kaplan: And who are your parents? I'm trying to make a pyshological analysis.

Daken: Wolverine.

Rebecca Kaplan: And do you think he is the sole reason you despise any form of parental authority?

Daken: Why am I even talking to you? Are you a shrink?

Rebecca Kaplan: I'm just trying to help.

Daken: Well, I guess it started when I was cut out of my dead mothers stomach by ~Bucky Barnes.

Rebecca Kaplan: I see...we might have to meet up and talk about this.

Daken: Sure, I have nothing else better to do.

* * *

 **William Kaplan: @** Theodore Altman and @Laura Kinney. Read my previous status, like now. The one my mum posted.

(4 Comments)

Thedore Altman: The bit where Daken said your cute? Because he does know we're dating. *glare*

William Kaplan: No, the bit were mum tries to get a read on Daken. The second best moment of my entire life.

Theodore Altman: The first?

William Kaplan: Meeting you, babe. Duh.

* * *

 **Steve Rogers to Anthony Stark:**  I told you so.

(16 Comments)

Anthony Stark: I have no idea what you're talking about…everyone's…fine.

Steve Rogers: I came around to the Mansion at 6 this morning. Apart from the fact that no one was up, there's someone in the pool, half the Fantastic Four and Young Avengers have passed out on the kitchen floor. Everyone else is scattered around the garden and inside, and some of them woke up in bed with someone their going to regret having slept with. And the YA are barely allowed to drink.

Anthony Stark: Er, the Young Avengers (unlike their name suggests. seriously they need an upgrade) are all over 21, Steve. Johnny, Logan and Ben are fine, and I'm sure they didn't all have sex.

Thomas Shepherd: You wanna bet? Did you see the blush on Jarvis's face when he collected all the condoms from all the bins? Has the dude ever been laid?

Steve Rogers: Point taken.

Loki: Can we not talk about the Jarvis's sex life. I've never met the guy but I know he's like...ancient.

Thomas Shepherd: Loki?

Loki: Yes, Speed?

Thomas Shepherd: You actually have Facebook?

Loki: Der. I'm like friends with everyone.

Thomas Shepherd: Aren't you evil?

Loki: I have the body of a 12 year old.

Thomas Shepherd: That's gotta suck.

Loki: Nah, it's not so bad. It's like a pedophiles dream. I get to look at small kids without looking weird.

Thor: Loki...brother...

Loki: Fine. I'm still mentally a 12 year old too. Bloody hell, Thor. You ruin everything. Go die in an Asguardian hole.

* * *

 **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All previous suggestions will be used in the next chapter :)


End file.
